Dum Dee Dum... I am not a super hero neither am i spiderman. I am going to save the world... like as if you would believe. I am a maniac. I came from an outer space which is filled with water. I learn swimming at the age of zero.I wail like a cry baby. I crawl like spiderman, i fly like superman, i drive like batman. I live in wonderland. Rugrats is my friend, so is peter pan.
live for yourself, and for others around you, but never forget you are your own man
this phrase suddenly occured to me when i was chatting with xtina..thank goodness exams are over already. at the rate im chatting i'd probably have flunked A levels worse than now.
wanted to go out with him and his friend to look for birthday present for one of his other friends but he said it wasn't appropriate; if i go he'll just treat me like glass because i'll spoil the objective of the trip which is to get the present cos his friend (whom i also happen to know) will feel like she's bothering a couple who wants to be out together alone to go with her to choose present. i was quite upset that i wasn't ALLOWED to go. then quarrel.. then after that can't be bothered liao.
why was i upset? because my exams have ended, but the class has already gone out on their own so i couldn't join them cos they end earlier than the physics people. then had to go home do one whole lot of stuff, no chance to go enjoy. some more had to research for interview later, (still doing it now) so my true free time is only later. wanted to go walk at orchard to see christmas lights but since he's not free just go and see them by myself lor.
then i saw serene online just now. remembered that heartware is having some xmas thingey at orchard.so i can actually go there and be with them.long time never see them liao. so at least i have some friends other than him.
it's always great knowing you have friends. i remember caleb and tim telling me that the first thing i said to them was "everybody hates me" and they thought it was really funny and kept giving me examples of people who walk by and wave or smile at me, as well as them, who, when they see me will sit down and talk to me. ya, that's true. not everybody hates me. i have lots of friends. just because they aren't like the kind of friends he has who are constantly going out doesn't mean i don't have any friends.even if he thinks they're stupid and ugly or whatever reason he finds to denigrate them they're still my friends and they're nice to me and he will no longer factor into my consideration of friends. i already know his reatcion if i tell him i'm going to buy caleb and tim lunch or dinner for being great juniors at TJ. probably tell me to forget it, although it's something i really want to do.
it probably all started when i started secondary school and couldn't get on with my class so i thought everyone else in the world would hate me. things got better in upper sec and JC and now while some people may not like me, at least they don't hate me. i used to think teresa hated me too, but now i don't. glad that we sorted out whatever rubbish that was bugging me and it doesnt mar our JC years.
the person who has the most problem is me, because i think, seriously i have serious inferiority complex when with other people. not because i like to compare myself with them, but because i find myself constantly asking.. "what if they hate me?" "what if i'm bothering them and they don't want to be bothered and i become a nuisance"...i guess if that's really the case, SOMEone will tell me, i hope. but i also realise that's not always the case but never mind. i shall learn to have more confidence in myself and not constantly think people hate me just because they ignore me once or twice or snub me, tho if it happens quite often i should probably get the hint and stay FAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR away. tim and caleb will be glad to know this, that is, that i shall start to get to know more people and be less hypersensitive because not every bug that bites me wishes to poison me to death, as i seem to think. what an analogy.
so after my interview i shall maybe go to the esplanade, borrow a couple of dvds, stop by carrefour to look at ovens (cos i wanna buy one), and then go to xmas tree at orchard to look for my heartware friends. den join him and his friend for dinner if i like where they're eating. if it's some horrible place i don't like then forget it. i shall no longer always let him decide and go along though i don't like it.
a brand new day has dawned and with it, maybe it'll be a brand new me!
