Dum Dee Dum... I am not a super hero neither am i spiderman. I am going to save the world... like as if you would believe. I am a maniac. I came from an outer space which is filled with water. I learn swimming at the age of zero.I wail like a cry baby. I crawl like spiderman, i fly like superman, i drive like batman. I live in wonderland. Rugrats is my friend, so is peter pan.
still haven't put on my ring after patching up 3 months back. don't feewl comfortable doing it cos im not ready. im not ready to accept that yeah im someone's property again by the way i have to account for my actions, limit them etc etc
but i'll wear it again. because i find that its detrimental not to. its detrimental both ways. u wear it and fewer people talk to you cos ur deemed to already have someone to talk to therefore shall not take up their time. don't wear it and people get wrong vibes and in the end end up in the same situation, perhaps worse than before.
ok so i'll wear my ring again. pls don't let me suffocate.
like blardy hell, im suffocating in singapore im suffocating everywhere. yesterday was probably one of the most fun tmes ever since i stepped into uni. but oops spoilt my day when i realised that not everybody knows im attached cos they don't get the feeling that i am.
am i supposed to act any different? im still me. i refuse to be someone's property, i want to do things on my own decide things myself, impulsively, without having to consult his schedule, my timetable to remember hmm am i doing anything wif him because most of the time its's things with him. if its other pals no problem they can just come along, but no he doesnt want to come along. and i don't want him to because his presence is imposing: he'll criticise whatever i've just done upon termination of the trip. i dun wish to know. whats done cant be undone and pls don't think just because u criticse me now i'll remember for next time. i won't. this is crystal. take it or leave it. leave it, its fine. nvm. i'm well enough on my own with my books, my mac and my drinks. i also refuse to go back to the STUPID days where i tried sooooo hard to blend in with his friends in order to not feel left out when i go out with them. that was the stupidest thing i've ever done cos it only made me feel small. it didnt improve our relationship or anything and his friends probably thought i was a clown.comparatively he doesnt even care or try to be frens with my frens. no he doesnt wish to chaperone kids on an outing. no he has nothing in common wif my fav sailor frens.blardy hell.
couple days ago he asked if he shd get mooncakes for my family. immediate reaction was "for what" and he went ok then nvm won't get already since i asked for what. i mean what else do you want me to say? im tired of trying to make him known to my family at his own time own target.to me, its fine watever. for him, its kindly do not give me no choice.i want to be able to decide what to do on my own instead of you forcing it upon me. like the time i brought roast pig over to his house cos i thought he'd like it. yes he appreciates it but he has told me one million times to ask him first wihtouth making the decision myself. i cant even make one blardy decision to send some roast pig over to his house. thats why im so whatever now. events i want him to go to that i think he'll enjoy nope he doesnt wish to go. then fine. i'll ask my other frens. unfortunately most of them are guys. i miss ming feng.
yes im double standard too. i want the freedom to go out with guys as and when i want. but i don't wish to give him that freedom.
the one main factor that stops me from being comfortable wearing the ring is when he came and threw a tantrum at me over a really really stupid thing. i tried remedial action but didnt work and he said "you always say ** is so stupid but she will enver ever do something as stupid as this" oh great wonderful u compared me to my foremost enemy and told me im stupider than her, someone i despise. thanks lots. this issuenever fails to piss me off no matter that it happened so long ago. thats why im psychologically disturbed. i already was without knowing im stupider than her and lose out to my other enemy. ya i know im myself but i dun like to lose out to other girls in ur eyes. both of us don't even know why we like each other. we evade this question. but so far its going on well. just that it pisses me off to think of my enemies. i finally took down the notice on the wall facin my table that said: you will never match up to ** so stop trying!!
and replaced with "i am the cleverest and bestest in the world even better than my enemies". thanks jeff for being encouraging about ise. no thanks to you for beliving i will not survive therefore get out as soon as posible.
being psychologically disturbed is my fault. ok point taken. u dun wish to discuss it if we cant come to a solution. ok. you're not ready after 5 years for my family. ok. i dont think i reallycare anymore. i think the tone of this post has changed. it invariably does every time i mention the you're stupdier than ur enemy incident.it always makes me want to cry. what the hell
and thanks to nothing, i may have unknowingly accidentally spoilt a friendship and many others along the way cos i din give off vibes of being attached.
so in the end i guesss i'll stll end up not having frens. well, at least theres yz, jeff, ch, jn and drug addict.
